Not home enough?

I listen to a lot of podcasts, broadly in three areas: Catholicism (interesting/faith growing), true crime (guilty pleasure), and homemaking/parenting (learning). An episode from the last category made me think today.... they were talking about home making routines and creating a "home-centred" life for the family. And I thought about our lives and how busy outside the home we are again, even after the lesson in staying home that Covid was; and that we definitely don't lead a "home-centred" life. But - is that a problem?

Back at the start of 2020 it was one of my resolutions to try and spend one full day a week at home because we were always out and about, and I felt that a day at home would be beneficial in some way. Mostly on the basis that I saw other mothers do it and value it, taking pride in home making activities. Covid gave me a chance to bring in a routine, structure our days, and be at home in a way that didn't feel like a complete waste.

And yet.... why have we gone back to our old ways of being mostly out and about, pretty much as soon as restrictions were lifted?

Playing at home

I think I'm finally making peace within myself, that this is simply what works for us. I have never spent much time at home myself, from a young age - from nursery age, then school and after school care, home was only ever a place to sleep, eat and watch TV. A day at home was unproductive and boring. Now I have definitely learned that it doesn't have to be this way, but my default is still having something to do, somewhere to go. Take Mondays, for example. Every other Monday there's the home ed co-op, but the Mondays where that isn't on are free. I've not even considered just staying home - it's harder work, less fun, and feels wasted. Instead, those Mondays are our big dog-free outings (because the dog is at our friend's) where we go to zoos, museums, playdates etc.

Of course we do spend some time at home. I work two mornings a week, from home, and that's time we're home. I have breaks during that time, but even when things are full-on with meetings, the kids are by now at a stage where they are very self sufficient and don't need my supervision all the time. That's a calm morning for us all, twice a week ... and then we go out. We have to, since the dog needs to run, but even without that we'd probably not stay in for the rest of the day.

When home, the kids occasionally ask for TV or tablets - not all the time, but still. When out and about, they never do. So I find that easier, because yes, Mama guilt is strong when they sit in front of a screen.

So what about homemaking? Cooking? Baking?

I'm not my mother - I don't run from these things and I absolutely do see making the house a home as my beautiful responsibility. But it's just not where my heart is to spend my time. I love living in a well functioning, minimal effort home that isn't cluttered so stuff is easy to pack away, hence I prioritise keeping it clutter free (not an easy task as the kids keep on accumulating stuff!). I also prioritise feeding my family well, so I'll always cook from scratch, bake our own bread and all that; but that's not because I love cooking, but because I love them and want them to be as healthy as can be. I streamline the cooking and baking as much as possible, lots of batch cooking and using the freezer, because I don't want to spend more time than necessary on it.

So, I'm learning to just run with what works for me/us and letting go of the "norms" and expectations I sometimes put on myself when I compare myself to others. As they say in AA: compare and despair... I try to do less of that.