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Thrown into to a new reality, then back to the old

Towards the end of August this year, Mr. and I suddenly faced a very different future to the one we had envisioned: at 42 years old - and he's 55 - I found myself pregnant again.

Camping after our summer trip - and I've just found out I'm pregnant

As it's been seven years since D(7) was born, we really didn't expect that. We would have loved more kids soon after D, but I just never got pregnant. Seven years on, we were pretty convinced that this was our lot. Two beautiful children, we really can't complain!

So we needed a bit of time to digest that. A new baby, with siblings 8 and nearly 10 years older! And Mr. would be 75 when that child was 20... the maths was mind boggling. But hey - if that was our new reality, we were going to run with it! The kids certainly were excited about it, they're old enough to understand and yes, we told them; this is a family matter. I knew there was a chance this pregnancy wouldn't work out, but we felt they had a right to know that too and, in either case, to process those emotions together.

And so, that is where we are today. I write this partly to process it myself - yes, I'm losing that baby, at just over seven weeks. Apparently 1 in 5 pregnancies are miscarried, usually because something is wrong with the baby. It's not an experience I've ever had before, and I have yet to tell the kids. We will grieve together. Until I've told them, it doesn't feel quite real that this is over... I know I had got used to this new reality already, embraced it, full of hope and looking forward to another little one to cuddle. 

Yet in a strange way, our future was only different for a month or so. Now we're back to where things were in mid August - our lives, continuing as before. I think we'll look back at this time as glimpsing a surreally different future... we'd have managed it and loved it, a day at a time, but really objectively speaking it is certainly easier to have our lives back to 'normal'. Except that there is now a new citizen in Heaven, who we have yet to meet but whom we will always ask to pray for us.

Deo Gratias.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous19 September 2023 at 09:49

    Ah I'm so sorry for your loss. Much love tonyou sll.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous20 September 2023 at 04:22

    Praying for all of you. Such a difficult loss. You are brave to share openly and don’t know how many lives you are helping by doing so. Love to all ❤️

    ReplyDelete

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