Having an eight-year-old

With N(8) we are very firmly in middle childhood right now. Her birthday was about six weeks ago and I didn't say much then, so I felt it's time for an in-depth post about life with this eight-year-old girl.

A long time ago, before I had kids, an acquaintance in passing mentioned that her mother, when asked what was her favourite phase in her children's childhood, said: I loved every phase. At that time, hearing that, I couldn't quite wrap my mind around that... apart from thinking that kids are hard work in one way or another throughout, I was sure there were easier and harder times and that correspondingly, any sane mother would say the easier times were the best.

And yet - now I've been through a few phases with them myself - I have to say the same thing: I've loved every stage. The wonder and cuddliness of the baby. The discovery and insatiable curiosity of the toddler. The preschoolers' wondrous ideas and imaginative play. And their kind hearts and innocence throughout which has taught and amazed me so much on a daily basis.

N has now officially entered into the 'tween' stage: still a child, but changes are afoot. There's a good book I've just started on, Sarah Ockwell-Smith's Between, which has so far been very intesting in its discussion of brain growth, hormonal changes, and how these affect a child at that age. But to be honest, at this point it's all about being ready, having an idea of what's coming, because I wouldn't call her a tween yet!

So, a few things that come to mind when thinking about this particular 8-year-old....

• From about 18 months until she was a preschooler, if you asked what her favourite colour was, you'd get a very firm answer: "Black!" - and that has completely changed to pink and purple.
• Where she used to love her hair short and easy, she now dreams of having a long luscious mane... in her self portraits, it wafts behind her quite some way! Her hair is however still really fine, and she still doesn't enjoy brushing it, so I'm not sure quite how far we can go.
• She continues to play beautifully with her brother at home, hours of role play or building things together or a hundred other free play ideas. When friends are around however, it can be difficult as N easily makes friends whom she then regards as hers, whereas in the past D would just naturally be part of the group. He doesn't appreciate being excluded, and it's not always N who does the excluding (sometimes it's her friends) but she certainly doesn't advocate for him amongst friends. I definitely see potential issues ahead as N's priority is very much the keeping of friendships and pleasing her friends, rather than speaking up when they want to do something she knows isn't right.
  
• She's an artist, very creative. Writing and illustrating her own fiction books, recently in comic format, is her favourite pastime at home. She'll usually listen to Enid Blyton on the Yotobox at the same time. That thing has been a fantastic investment.
• N is still not comfortable sleeping on her own. The bed saga continues, although we've currently got a working arrangement: on weekdays, both kids are in the loft bed and I sleep alone on the sofa bed directly underneath. They are not happy for me to be in another room. Hence Mr. continues to have the king size bed all to himself! On the two weekend nights, the kids take turns sleeping with us parents: D usually with me the first night and N with dad, and the other way round for the second night. I keep thinking, this won't be forever, and I do very much savour the closeness - just can't do it every night because their bodies are now so big and leggy it just doesn't give any of us a good night's sleep! Add to that the new dog, Cody, who tends to sleep on top of my duvet as well....
• I continue to struggle with gift ideas for her - her recent birthday was relatively easy because both kids did need bicycles, but with Christmas I've got a 25-item list of choices for D and not a single idea for N! This is because she really doesn't care about stuff, and doesn't play much with toys except when D wants to. She's ambivalent about her soft toys and really doesn't play by herself. She's got all the notebooks and pens she could ever need... ah well, I trust that in the next six weeks or so inspiration will strike - it has to!
• Her empathetic nature means that films are still an absolute no-go: she lives them, and finds that really stressful! Even the gentlest of children's films will have some sort of tension in them, and she just can't deal with it. So our evening entertainment as a family tends to be QI, Have I Got News For You, and all sorts of documentaries... which, to be honest, is my preference anyway!

She is an absolute joy, as per her middle name. She is kind, sweet and personable, and so lovely to be around. I count myself incredibly privileged to be her mother.