Family, minimalism, social media - a new year's declutter

The new year has dawned - welcome, 2022! - and with that, for me, came a real urge to simplify. Simplify life: our stuff, our calendars and activities, my relationship with social media... 

We are minimalists at heart

Boat life. Good times!

You could justifiably call us minimalists as a family; I always have been. Until I got married, I relished the fact that I could pack up two suitcases at any time and be off to another part of the world. Moving continents, or just cities, was what my 20's were all about - until I settled down with Mr. 

Of course, living on a boat (where we started off married life and had our kids) keeps stuff down naturally - there's just not much space! So when the kids came along, they really didn't bring much new 'stuff' into our life, and that was always my intent. It was easy to shrug and say, hey we just don't have space for that on a boat! But the truth is, I wouldn't have stocked up on baby cribs, moses baskets, prams, and all the other clunky stuff you're told you need for a baby anyhow - I didn't want it, and the babies certainly didn't need it.

On the boat

I've recently discovered Dawn of The Minimal Mom on Youtube, and one of the things she said that really resonated with me is: I'd rather have less stuff to manage than find ways to better manage my stuff. That, in a nutshell, has always been my philosophy - but I had never quite articulated it. 

I've always kept my stuff simple:

• one pair of shoes for summer (Crocs pumps) and one for winter (boots), and a pair of trainers; 
• a wardrobe 'uniform' of sorts, with long-sleeved dresses for winter and short-sleeved dresses for summer; cardigans over; worn with black leggings except on the hottest days
• two swimsuits per person, 6 towels altogether, two bedsheets / linens per bed, one plate / mug / glass per person plus two in case of guests, etc etc.
• minimal physical memories (this was a painful gift I received after my mother's death, teaching me to not hang on to sentimental items: after she died, I slept for a week and during that week the rest of the family essentially took all mementos of her life for themselves and by the time I woke up, nothing was left) - instead, I tend to take photos of sentimental items / cards etc. and then let the actual item go

The kids in their winter 'uniform'

But saying all that, having children has definitely challenged my minimalist momentum. They are like hamsters! D(5) in particular remembers exactly what he owns and if anything disappears, he notices. There's no way I can pare their possessions down to, say, one or two soft toys per child! Instead, my approach with them has been to provide containers for their items (Ikea Kallax boxes) and if/when that container gets too full, it's time to send some of its contents to charity. There is one container each for:

• Cars
• Soft toys
• Dinosaur / plastic figurine toys
• Hand puppets & the puppet curtain
• Duplo
• Robots
• Dressing-up 
• Lego

The only thing we are NOT minimalist about, never can be, are kids' books. Those are what take up almost all our shelving space in the kids' rooms! Other than that, we've got some craft stuff in designated containers and a number of board games; that's it. I have always kept their wardrobes radically simple - dungarees and shirts, which are long in winter and short in summer.

And books for myself and Mr. are mostly non-pysical these days.

Time for a declutter

Over the past five years, since moving to our house, the stuff has expanded. At least partly to blame for that is of course that the kids are growing and so are their possessions, but I also have been much less intentional in what I brought into the house generally. Maybe I have a lower pain threshold for clutter than others do, but again - I'd rather have less stuff than try to find ways to manage excess inventory.

So, since the start of the year, I've been on a roll. It's a bit like a snowball: the initial resistance was the hardest thing to overcome! I started with the physical stuff, but it didn't ultimately end there - this has become an overall life simplifying mission!

I started with things I had already earmarked for sale: I finally took the photos and listed the items on eBay. A lot of things I had initially earmarked for sale felt like too much work photographing & listing for the potential return, so they went to the charity shop. Or the tip. A pregnant friend received all my maternity clothes and all the baby clothes I had been holding on to (because, I've got to face it, if it hasn't happened in 5+ years since D arrived then that's probably it for us)

Suddenly - there's space. Glorious space, so peaceful and clear! That gave me the momentum to keep going.

The bathroom declutter came next, goodbye to all the outdated / never used stuff there. Then, physical (grown-ups') books we had read and were unlikely to ever read again. Wall art. So much stuff I didn't love, but kept simply due to inertia! Now I was going strong, the snowball kept gaining momentum and I cleared, cleared, cleared. 

Now the house feels open, spacious and clear. A beautiful new carpet in the lounge helps as well.

Decluttering beyond the physical: Activities

Truly my son... too cold to play!

Despite my best intentions following Covid lockdowns, our diaries have filled up again. And again I have to hit the brakes and ask: what's the point of being this busy? Do we need this? Do the kids love this activity, is it enriching them and/or our family? - they are becoming ever more discerning in what they enjoy and what they don't enjoy. That is great. What's not so great is that the things they're enjoying at the moment are on the expensive side: swimming lessons, martial arts, gymnastics. The free or cheap things I can access as a home educator - playground meet-ups, walks, clubs - not so much. 

So at the moment I'm listening, tweaking, and trying to discern the balance between what they want, what we can afford, and what is useful to us as a family in this season. They don't like being out in the cold (and man I certainly feel that too!) so the cheap outdoor offerings will have to stay on hold for the wintertime, though certainly not forever. And for the winter, things like gymnastics and martial arts are actually perfect because they provide exercise without going outside. The swimming, I'm rather conflicted about - they love it, but they also go swimming with the grandparents almost every week...  so all that decision making, it's a process. 

Decluttering beyond the physical: Media

But there's more. It's not just 'the stuff' that has been suffocating me... this isn't new either. Over years, I have been agonising over my use of social media - see most recent blog posts on that, "Where I'm going with social media" and "Goodbye Facebook: why I'm stepping back" from 2021 - every time I tried to get away, I eventually got sucked in again and again. Yes, I stopped posting my kids' pictures on social media for their privacy's sake, but the fundamental issue of my time being wasted by quick & easy low quality interactions and endless scrolling over the type of slow, hard-work but so worth it personal connections with both my children and with real-life friends had not been addressed. I have something like 400 friends on Facebook. What value do these connections add to my life, and what value do I add to theirs? Can I really stay in touch with 400 people, constantly, and well?

The answer is no, I can't. 

This year, minimalism will apply to my online connections too. And like physical minimalism, this isn't about just having less - it's about carefully curating, choosing high quality according to my values rather than simply what's available. I'm still not leaving Facebook, because there are certain - few! - things I cannot access without it, such as local home education meetups, coordinating the egg buyer's cooperative etc. but I have made a decision to quit scrolling the newsfeed altogether. If I miss out on people's life events, that's the price I am willing to pay to reclaim my time and focus on truly relating to those around me.

This blog of course remains, and always will - it's for the children first and foremost. But I need to detox from the constant feeds, the constant urge to fill a dull moment with a quick check of the notifications, the likes. These don't add value to my life, they suck it out, and it's time to take my life back, even the boring bits.