It's Lent, the season for giving things up. I wasn't going to, but my body delivered a powerful message to me this weekend (in the shape of a vicious flu virus) that stopped me in my tracks and made me finally listen to what my husband's been telling me all along: I need to do less.
The problem is, I can't give up doing life. I can't give up being involved in things, or going out - in fact for me going out to toddler groups is much less stressful than staying home! (They can run around there and play with other kids, make mess, do messy crafts while I sit down with a hot drink - at home I'd never sit down, I'd be attempting damage control and they'd be bored with the familiar toys and no other kids around so they'd be looking to me to give them fun ...!)
And yet. I recently started a self defence course (10 weeks long) which is delivering exactly what I hoped - practical, simple ways to defend myself / my kids - yet that's two weekday evenings. And because there's no one else able to at church, I'm now singing in the worship team; another weekday evening gone for practice, and a job to do on Sunday mornings. I do love it, and I feel at the moment I cannot let the entire church down as there is nobody else ... but, I'm aware it's a drain. Not just on me, but also on Mr. who has to look after the kids both at practice time and on Sunday morning, and on the kids themselves as well. What's the right thing to do? I'm torn.
And I'm also terribly convicted of falling into the time drain that is phone browsing. That, at least, I can give up for Lent (and beyond!). I've made a commitment to only check/ browse my phone when I'm alone - the ringtones will be on loud so I can still be reached if necessary, but the unnecessary time drain of scrolling mindlessly has to go. It's impacting the quality of our family relationships, I'm ashamed to admit - and again, this is something Mr. has been saying for a long time and I wasn't ready to hear him.
Maybe discovering more mindful time with the family will help me with all the commitments. Maybe I'll have to cut something somewhere. I doubt I'll have the capacity to keep training after the 10 week course is over, much as I'd like to and could do with the physical exercise... but something has to give. My body's pretty clear about that right now.
The problem is, I can't give up doing life. I can't give up being involved in things, or going out - in fact for me going out to toddler groups is much less stressful than staying home! (They can run around there and play with other kids, make mess, do messy crafts while I sit down with a hot drink - at home I'd never sit down, I'd be attempting damage control and they'd be bored with the familiar toys and no other kids around so they'd be looking to me to give them fun ...!)
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And yet. I recently started a self defence course (10 weeks long) which is delivering exactly what I hoped - practical, simple ways to defend myself / my kids - yet that's two weekday evenings. And because there's no one else able to at church, I'm now singing in the worship team; another weekday evening gone for practice, and a job to do on Sunday mornings. I do love it, and I feel at the moment I cannot let the entire church down as there is nobody else ... but, I'm aware it's a drain. Not just on me, but also on Mr. who has to look after the kids both at practice time and on Sunday morning, and on the kids themselves as well. What's the right thing to do? I'm torn.
And I'm also terribly convicted of falling into the time drain that is phone browsing. That, at least, I can give up for Lent (and beyond!). I've made a commitment to only check/ browse my phone when I'm alone - the ringtones will be on loud so I can still be reached if necessary, but the unnecessary time drain of scrolling mindlessly has to go. It's impacting the quality of our family relationships, I'm ashamed to admit - and again, this is something Mr. has been saying for a long time and I wasn't ready to hear him.
Maybe discovering more mindful time with the family will help me with all the commitments. Maybe I'll have to cut something somewhere. I doubt I'll have the capacity to keep training after the 10 week course is over, much as I'd like to and could do with the physical exercise... but something has to give. My body's pretty clear about that right now.
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