Will Dig Life

I didn't write yesterday because I was utterly finished by the time we finally got to bed; and today is the first home day. I've unpacked, began to tackle (a little bit of the immense amount of) the dust from the building works, and am sitting down for a breather of five minutes before the blessings return from their grandparents. At Vienna airport. I didn't have the energy to stop them wiping the floor at departure.  God, I have missed home. Missed family, missed friends, missed my husband most of all - but home is even more than all those. Home is a place where I feel welcome, where I feel my children are welcomed - even by strangers. A place where people randomly smile at us, have a chat, ask how we are. Where my neighbour says hello and welcome back. I find I really do have to decompress and get comfortable again! The best I can describe the way I felt in Vienna is, oppressed. It's an oppressive environment; at all times with kids I'm on edge about di...

 We went to the amazing, huge Vienna Zoo today. Incredibly I did recognise quite a few habitats/ buildings from when I was little but it's infinitely better now, it was pretty overwhelming. We didn't see the half of it, although the kids did have fun seeing elephants, giraffes, polar bears and penguins, big cats.... the list goes on. The hardest thing was moving them on from one thing to the next! I didn't take that many photos as I was on my own with them and the zoo was very busy. It was cold and a lot of walking in the fresh air was involved so we're all finished tonight. Walking under the sea A black & white spotted ray Huge tortoises Ride-on birds  Elephant having a shower! Climbable elephant Penguins Polar bear In the jungle Playground Playground Playground. MUDDY! Muddy playground again Lions Lions Some Maroni (hot chestnuts) for a snack

Our final weekday, our final playgroup... we're all really ready to go home now. The playgroup was as routine as ever and for me a bit of an anticlimax as again I spoke to nobody. Oh well. Again both kids had a nap, and neither wanted to get out of bed after! I knew I had to tire them out somehow but going on public transport for half an hour to attend an overrun play space (it's half term here so I knew any place would be heaving) - I just couldn't face it. So we just went downstairs and to the park. It was the busiest I'd seen it yet but the kids managed to play and release some energy. In N's case mostly negative energy: she spent a lot of time crying hysterically about various things. This tells me she still isn't well.... To finish on a happier note, I treated them to pizza for dinner.

Having met quite a few mums in the various groups I've attended over the last few weeks here, several of them have said something along the lines of how relaxed and in my element I seem to be, despite being in a pretty stressful situation (on my own with the kids 24/7 in a strange city). This type of comment isn't new, I often get it at home as well. In the past I've usually deflected and made a joke of it - "oh it's amazing what a little make up can do to make you look fresher" - but the truth is, I use hardly any makeup and I really am relaxed as a mother. I'm finding this gig less demanding than I think a lot of the mums I know do. Here are a few reasons why, perhaps they help some of you reading this! Most importantly: I trust that they love me. I don't have to earn their love by giving into them, by being anything more than I am; I love them with all my being and I have a deep, simple trust that they cannot fail to love me. More about...

We're really counting down the sleeps now! N in particular is well aware how soon we'll be home again, and we all cannot wait! The kids are well again today, although N did take a nap at midday which she never does; but apart from that they were both happy all day. We said goodbye to the unfriendly playgroup - as it happens, today was the best visit yet for me as I had lots of conversations with lots of mums! That's how it goes I guess: we're familiar faces there now so people are beginning to thaw a bit. Oh well.... After our nap - we all napped! - we visited a friend from church who has a nearly-nearly-toddling baby, where I got to sit and drink coffee over a real, adult conversation.... that was wonderful. Back home we finished the evening with a lovely bath and everyone's off to bed happy.

We spent our last Wednesday morning at the playgroup we've attended every week, which was really busy today. The kids played happily and seemed ok. In the afternoon however it quickly became apparent that N was not ok. On our way to the transport museum , which we had arranged to visit with our friend F, her whining was incessant and then this happened: But since that museum was on the other side of Vienna and we were well on our way already, we carried on. And at times, her attention did get caught for a few moments.... but mostly, she whined her way through. D on the other hand did find everything fascinating, but I noticed signs of unusual tiredness in him too... we arrived home just after 6pm and no one felt like dinner so we were in bed about 5 minutes later. They'd had enough!

The usual Thursday playgroup (yes , the unfriendly one) was our destination again today because it's half term and we had no choice... it does seem to improve, though. I did manage to have a couple of friendly exchanges, as well as a long and repetitive chat with a lovely lady with a learning disability. I also used my time sitting around by myself - coloured in my very own picture! For the afternoon, I really needed some time to do the laundry and have a shower, so the kids got to go to Vienna Granny again. They'd been asking to see her so much - they've clearly decided they love her! Tearing them away after saying goodbye was really hard as N did understand we probably wouldn't see her again.

"I need my own time, my own career and goals, being with the kids all the time would bore me to tears and make me a dull person." This was said, without any intent to be rude (!), by a mum I met at one of the playgroups. Now, I've just spent over 3 weeks as the sole caregiver of my kids - literally I'm with them 24/7. Am I tired? You bet! Exhausted? Nearly. Frazzled? Exasperated? Often. But bored? Hell no! My children are a joy to be with, (mostly!) but more relevant to this question is that I see them. I see their personalities blossom a little further every day. I learn who they are, what they like and don't like, I guess you could say I study them! I am the top expert on them. I know them better than any living person in this world. And that isn't just because I happen to spend lots of time with them: it's because I have consciously made them my focus . I haven't lost myself, or forgotten who I am. I have simply shifted my focus an...

We had another relaxed morning at the play place. Routine by now, not many photos... I didn't really have much of a plan for the afternoon, but the decision was taken out of my hands anyway as N has developed a medical complaint that I felt needed looking at, so we went to the nearest GP with our EHIC cards (yet another benefit of being in the EU that we're about to lose). Waited a bit, got seen, prescribed medication, done. Picked up the medication straight after. My sister A is off to Sri Lanka on Wednesday so this was the last time we saw her, she came for dinner to say goodbye for now.