Listening to my child

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N is now 4 and a bit, and it's coming up to a year since I put her in nursery (for the free hours only, initially two mornings a week and recently changed to 3 3-hour afternoon sessions).

The small nursery is everything I would look for. No coercion to do anything (just invitations to play - a Reggio Emilia approach), lots and lots of outdoor time, even actual forest school sessions!

However, right from the start N has been saying she doesn't want to go. At first I took that as separation anxiety, maybe just a need for her to get used to it; I did see her develop and grow in independence and confidence - she always protested that she didn't want to go but would come out saying she had lots of fun, and the staff would tell me she was content and happy the whole time.

So I stuck with it. Every time we were getting ready to go she would tell me she really didn't want to go... not always with tears, but she was always clear. And I always thought I knew better than her, I knew she'd come out happy! So I said, you have to.

But of course that isn't true - she doesn't have to go.

So a couple of weeks ago I sat down with her and asked: if you could never ever go to nursery again, would you want that?

YES! She couldn't have been clearer. She understood the implications of not being able to see her nursery friends; she was absolutely delighted with the prospect of never having to go there again!

So I told her she'd never have to go to nursery again after Christmas. I feel kind of sad because I really liked that place (as well as the freedom of having just one kid at times so I could get stuff done!) - but, she's very clear that this is what she wants, she can't wait for Christmas because of this gift of freedom I'm giving her!!

I'm finally listening to my child. It's a lesson learned.

[My theory as to why she doesn't like nursery, despite being an exceptionally social person, is that she finds it hard being amongst lots of 4 year olds - they're loud and unpredictable and not always nice... she loves people of all ages but I think it's the group setting that just really doesn't work for her.]

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