Will Dig Life

For 5 months in 2016, I had two kids under two years old. There's been the occasional comment about their "close gap". I don't know.... we never planned any of it and I never had a fixed idea in my mind so this gap to me is the perfect gap. It's what we've got and once I got my head around it, we got it to work! Helpfully, big girl has never been hostile to the little boy. She was very angry at me for the first few weeks but from the start she liked her little brother. She'd stroke his head and on occasion I've had to intervene when she tried to share her food with him - once I found half a grape in his mouth! While it's been lovely and they are both giving me lots of joy, I have  never  worked so hard in my life on a 24/7 basis. Worked mentally, emotionally, and physically. The demands are constant and immediate. Sit down with a cup of tea? Don't make me laugh - I count myself lucky if I get to brush my teeth in the morning and showers h...

I haven't written in months, and for good reason. Life has taken on a whole new level of hectic since the boy joined us in May; he's now 7 months old and starting solids and sitting unaided! So quick, I must have blinked.... A conversation with a friend today made me realise that I'm already half forgetting the early days - maybe mentally blocking them out? - and I don't want to forget. Those were hard times, but I don't want to bury them because we got through and we've all grown so much because of them. Like last time, Mr had two weeks off after I gave birth. Unlike last time, his role was mainly to occupy and be there for the toddler, who had just started walking. Luckily I was physically much better after this birth (going for a family walk the very next day) so I didn't need rest as much... and the first days as a family of four were anything but restful! Mr did what he could but of course toddler girl still wanted mummy and the newborn was windy...

I had a pretty painful realisation this evening. Every night as I feed my kids to sleep, I either play around on my phone (if I have a hand free, which is not always the case when feeding two at the same time!) or I pretend to be asleep so that my toddler won't have anything to distract her from falling asleep. Often she performs various gymnastics (Downward Dog with nipple in mouth is a particular favourite) or she attempts to engage with me, kiss me... and until this evening I've always dismissed that as attempts to evade sleep, so I ignored or discouraged it. But what if those attempts at connecting with me are genuine expressions of love? I believe they are - and as of now I'll no longer distract myself or ignore her, I will receive and reciprocate her love and if that means some extra time at bedtime then so be it. I enjoy her company, after all. I don't think I'll ever make a draconian resolution like getting rid of Facebook or the smartphone - after a...

Before I had my first child, let's be clear, I didn't really want kids so I didn't spend much time thinking about how I might raise children. I didn't spend time with other people's kids either: I could count the occasions I babysat on one hand (and then only on the condition that they were asleep when I arrived!). As far as I was concerned, as long as they were someone else's responsibility and kept quietly out of the way when I was around, I was ok with them. That said, occasionally I had conversations about kids with parents. Given how big a part of a parent's life their children are, it's a hard to avoid subject. Once I was married, and many of my friends were too, the subject would come up more often. And once I was pregnant of course it was something I sought out deliberately - I was obviously very aware of how little I knew about child rearing and how much catching up I had to do! Tiny.  Looking back I think I had an advantage, though. I c...

I often find myself in awe of how God has made natural things in the world to reveal something about himself. Everywhere you look, things speak about him - how sure it is that there will be a new sunrise after the sunset speaks about his faithfulness and dependability, for example. Since God is at the very core a relational being, I suppose it makes sense that the greatest lessons about him are found in relationships. Like marriage between a man and a woman - where the man's role reflects Christ, and the bride's does the Church. I've learned a lot about God's character from my own marriage relationship... my man truly does serve and lay his life down for me. And now, parenthood. Going deeper still, I keep seeing new things that amaze me. This one came to me in the night, when my 19 month old struggled to sleep because of teething pain and wind... My body is her comfort.  As she struggled with pain, she snuggled in to me. I couldn't take the pain away of cou...

If I have a resolution in 2016, it's to pay conscious attention to my friendships. To deepen them, nurture and cherish them consciously. It's a fact that people come and go in our lives. When I grew up I thought friendships, if they were "real", would just happen and then last forever. Now I know that very real, very genuine friendships can be seasonal in life and when the season is over, the friendship - while it isn't over as such - just doesn't continue as a walk together. The  closeness  goes away, even though the  fondness  of friendship continues... I am now friends with people on Facebook who were part of another season in my life, and while our lives have gone completely different paths and we're separated by continents, I love following as their lives unfold in time. And if any of them needed anything I could help with, I'd be there in a heartbeat still. C.S. Lewis described the love that is friendship as two people who are shoulder to s...