Will Dig Life

Before I begin, let me state this: I don't believe having children is ever 100% our decision. Even if you decided to stop contraception, to "try", or perhaps even to use artificial methods - apart from adopting a child, this new life making it through and coming out alive  is  a gift which you don't have 100% influence over getting. A common miracle. This post was sparked by a conversation I had with a friend who's a mum, who mentioned that there are times she regrets the decision to have kids. Every mum I've ever had an honest conversation with about children has said something along those lines - I believe there are moments for every mother when she wishes her kid(s) weren't there. They are moments, in crisis and stress and overtiredness... it's not that she truly wishes them gone or would go back in time to prevent having them, but still, I think every mother is familiar with those feelings and I won't be surprised if I feel that way too at so...

Living on a boat, we're all about clever storage solutions - space is definitely at a premium. To me that's an advantage, not a drawback. It makes you think twice about everything you buy and what you really need (or not). I like an uncluttered environment, so even the space we do have I don't like to fill up with  stuff . Babies, it seems, bring with them a whole lot of  stuff . Some of it clearly necessary, but some of it perhaps optional... as a first time mum I'm well aware I may be eating my words in a few months' time and buying  all the stuff , but at the moment, I'm taking a minimalist approach to buying baby stuff: Things we are buying / necessities: Our new car seat. A car seat . Just got one, second hand, never been in an accident, £10. Baby clothes . Got two bags full of second hand neutral ones, mostly bodysuits but also tops, leggings, three hats, scratch mitts, and two thicker outdoor suits - £10 for the lot. A carry cot . Got that...

It's hardly a secret that I have a very messy past. I've talked about my dysfunctional family of origin... but there's much more to my mess than that. For most of my teens and all my twenties, food was an extremely dangerous enemy to me - to be contained when possible. After years of utter chaos, pain and insanity, I found salvation in a programme of extremely rigid food containment (a  blog I wrote for years still exists , both as a reminder for me and to give hope to others) which kept the demon contained. It took work and commitment, but for years I found that I could have a life between meals - all three meals were committed in advance to my sponsor each day, in detail, then weighed and measured; with nothing in between but black coffee, tea or water. No matter what. 24/7, 365, no exceptions. It took planning and commitment but I was able to live life in between those meals. One day in late 2010 I was at a conference. People were prayed for. I felt no particular nee...