Will Dig Life

Yesterday my Mr. and I spent some amazing quality time talking deeply. I relished every second of it. Today I thought about it some more - about the things I said to him. I shared my fears openly, things I have thought about, plans for the future and feelings of right now. I've had deep friendships before, but there has never been any other person I have felt able to be so completely open with, to lay everything bare in complete and utter trust. [Aside: I don't refer to my husband as 'my best friend'. In my mind, that description falls so far short, it just doesn't come anywhere close to describing this relationship. A friend is something I share a bond with, I may love them, I may know them well; but my spouse and I are  one in essence .] I need to learn which layers of the onion that is me are helpful to share. Anyway, after thinking about it today, I don't think everything I shared yesterday was a good idea to share with him. I'm still a novic...

Been pondering some huge things lately. Like, who runs my life? And if it's not me, is that OK? As a single person it's fairly easy to think it's me. Myself and I, we're good, we have plans. (and God laughs?); married, it gets a little more complicated because every decision affects  us , not just me. Now, with a new person growing inside me, I'm definitely starting to lose the blinders and see that I'm not actually in charge of my life. And the relief is  beautiful . If I was in charge, I'd have to not only make the decisions but face the consequences as well. When I make most of my decisions, I have to do it without knowing 100% of all the facts and possible influencing factors... so a decision made to the best of my knowledge at the time may turn out to be horribly wrong. Just little me again, looking puzzled. Those are some lofty and nebulous ideas, so let's bring this home to make clear where I'm coming from with this... I (emphatica...

Following my rather rambling explorations last week I've had lots of time to reflect, think, and take in people's comments on Facebook. This issue of what's the ultimate point hasn't let me go. But I feel like I may have the beginnings of an answer. Or perhaps, all there is to the whole answer. What if, at the end of the day, parenting is about  love ? Roll your eyes all you want. Of course that's obvious. But it's deep, too - much deeper than trite greeting card wisdom and worn-out proverbial sayings. As parents, we love because...  love . Consider: perhaps to put a 'because' in there is blasphemy. We are to  love . 'Becauses' reduce the love, because it becomes conditional. We don't love our children because they do well: they are not our projects to turn out well. Projects are  worked on , not  loved . We are to just love. No conditions. Perhaps this is why becoming a parent is such a spiritual experience for many. This is wh...

What's the value of parenting? I have never valued childhood. I disliked being a child, being treated as a child, not being taken seriously. I couldn't wait to grow up. By age 12, I was my mother's best friend and confidante, I made my own decisions - among them, freeing our family from our father's presence by moving him out - and I thought independently. Ever since, I have viewed the years before 11 or so as wasted time. Time 'before I started really thinking'. Little me. I never had any patience for my sister's childishness. She was a child - she thought like one, acted like one, and fair enough, she's six years younger than me! I discounted her thoughts and opinions because she was 'just a kid'. She's the only child I had any dealings with, until very recently, and the way I dealt with her was pretty much to make her obey and keep her quiet. It's not hard to guess where this disdain for childhood came from. As a child,...